wat bout pragnant strippers??
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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