You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
