perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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