I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?