I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.