The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.