Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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