I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.