How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....