Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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