Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
