Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?

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(925): View more from California

Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.

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(515): View more from Iowa

We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?

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(989): View more from Michigan

My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??

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