i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??