Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
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where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
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That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??