You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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