Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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