Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
