Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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