So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
