i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
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you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
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The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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