OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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