I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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