Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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