How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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