I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
