party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
