with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
