im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
