My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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