No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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