i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
