no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
