right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Drake has all the answers
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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