Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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