sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
