sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
