I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
