the condom got lost in my hair
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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