does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
