Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
