Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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