epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He? As in you personified your dick?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
