I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
