38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I did not marry a roomba.
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