I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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