Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
