I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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