I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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