She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
