and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Actions speak louder than pants.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
