Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
