I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think my vagina is haunted
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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