You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
