I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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