I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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