I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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