theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
