it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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