I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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