I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
