I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
