Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
