I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
