How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
