I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
