So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
