If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
