Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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