well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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