found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
