just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
