What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
