oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
