I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
